People in Northern Ireland vote for their church, they don't vote with their heads; it is ridiculous.

An Irishman's wife gave birth to twins. Her husband wanted to know who the other man was.

A man says to his mate: "My wife is a twin." His mate says, "How do you tell them apart?" The man says: "Her brother has a beard."

A man walked into a shop and asked, "How much are your eggs?" He said "£1.40 a dozen". He then asked: "How much are your cracked ones?" He said: "35p". He said: "Crack us four dozen."

Did you know you can have an Irish abortion, but there is a 12 month waiting list?

Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?

A man turns to the guy next to him who's covered in bandages from head to toe and asks "What happened?". "I fell through a glass window," explains the man. The first man says: "Lucky you were wearing all those bandages."