A man was found dead covered in sprinkles, strawberry sauce and a flake. Reports said he may have topped himself.

I'm not really a homosexual. I just help them out when they're busy.

There was a man sitting in the dining room of the Titanic, he said: "I know I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous."

I'm staying in a lovely hotel, dressing robe behind the door, lovely fluffy sheets - took me a half an hour getting my suitcase closed.

A man up in front of a judge says "I don't recognise this court." "Why not?" "It's been redecorated since the last time I was here."

I don't think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.

A girl asks her doctor, "Doctor, I've forgotten to take my contradictory pill!" The doctor says: "Are you ignorant?" The girl says: "Yes, three months!"