It's never occurred to me to worry about my health, or that I'll get old, or that people will stop laughing at me.

Men only go for skinny women because they're too weak to argue - and salads are cheap.

A man was found dead covered in sprinkles, strawberry sauce and a flake. Reports said he may have topped himself.

What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a poodle peeing on your leg? You let the Rottweiler finish.

I'm really worried about my girlfriend's morals ... she has NEXT written on her knickers.

Doctor told me I've got two weeks to live. I said: "Can I have the last week in July and the 1st week in August?"

I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside "made around the corner."