The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.

I like to watch the news, because I don't like people very much and when you watch the news... if you ever had an idea that people were really terrible, you could watch the news and know that you're right.

The richest people in the world aren't particularly smart or happy. And the happiest people in the world aren't particularly smart or rich.… That leaves me making music. But we can't talk about that.

You are what you is, you is what you am, you ain't what you're not. So see what you got?

All the good music has already been written by people with wigs and stuff.

Stupidity is the basic building block of the universe.

He took a dog-doo snow cone and stuffed it in my right eye. He took a dog-doo snow cone and stuffed it in my other eye.