It isn't necessary to imagine the world ending in fire or ice. There are two other possibilities: one is paperwork, and the other is nostalgia.

If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to the library.

Conducting" is when you draw "designs" in the nowhere-with a stick, or with your hands-which are interpreted as "instructional messages" by guys wearing bow ties who wish they were fishing.

The rock and roll business is pretty absurd, but the world of serious music is much worse.

How can I lose? I've already offended everybody!

Music, in performance, is a type of sculpture. The air in the performance is sculpted into something.

All the good music has already been written by people with wigs and stuff.