Every time we tell anybody to cheer up, things might be worse, we run away for fear we might be asked to specify how.

Nobody can write such ironic things unless he has a deep sense of injustice-injustice to those members of the race who are victims of the stupid, the pretentious and the hypocritical.

Prohibition is an awful flop. We like it. It can't stop what it's meant to stop. We like it. It's left a trail of graft and slime It don't prohibit worth a dime It's filled our land with vice and crime, Nevertheless, we're for it.

We deny that it is fun to be saving. It is fun to be prodigal. Go to the butterfly, thou parsimonious sluggard; consider her ways and get wise.

Conscience: A small, still voice that makes minority reports.

Middle age occurs when you are too young to take up golf and too old to rush up to the net.

The best bet you get is an even break.