Money isn't everything, but lack of money isn't anything.

Health is the thing that makes you feel that now is the best time of the year.

There are plenty of good five-cent cigars in the country. The trouble is they cost a quarter. What this country needs is a good five-cent nickel.

Every time we tell anybody to cheer up, things might be worse, we run away for fear we might be asked to specify how.

Middle age occurs when you are too young to take up golf and too old to rush up to the net.

Elections are won by men and women chiefly because most people vote against somebody rather than for somebody.

There is no accounting for tastes, as the woman said when someone told her her son was wanted by the police.