When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.
Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.
A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
The average vice-president is a form of executive fungus that attaches itself to a desk. On a boat this growth would be called a barnacle.
I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
Television is the triumph of machine over people.