Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.

The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.

An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.

Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making.

Television is a triumph of equipment over people, and the minds that control it are so small that you could put them in a gnat's navel with room left over for two caraway seeds and an agent's heart.

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.

It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.