I'm a little hoarse tonight. I've been living in Chicago for the past two months, and you know how it is, yelling for help on the way home every night. Things are so tough in Chicago that at Easter time, for bunnies the little kids use porcupines.

Television is a triumph of equipment over people, and the minds that control it are so small that you could put them in a gnat's navel with room left over for two caraway seeds and an agent's heart.

Television is a triumph of equipment over people.

He writes so well he makes me feel like putting my quill back in my goose.

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.

On ships they call them barnacles; in business they attach themselves to desks and are called vice presidents.

He has no idea what it was like to grow up in the South, where you had to hold your head down.