I'm a little hoarse tonight. I've been living in Chicago for the past two months, and you know how it is, yelling for help on the way home every night. Things are so tough in Chicago that at Easter time, for bunnies the little kids use porcupines.

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.

I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement.

He's so small, he's a waste of skin.

Television is a triumph of equipment over people, and the minds that control it are so small that you could put them in a gnat's navel with room left over for two caraway seeds and an agent's heart.

Three million frogs' legs are served in Paris - daily. Nobody knows what became of the rest of the frogs.

The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on a desk that has been exposed to conference.