Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.
There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.
When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.
The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.
Hollywood is a great place if you're an orange.