A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on.
There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.
Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.
Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut.
I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.
Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.