English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve.

She used to be a teacher but she has no class now.

He writes so well he makes me feel like putting my quill back in my goose.

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.

I was just working in the shop and all of a sudden something just triggered in me, and I started shaking. And then I walked back into the house and my wife asked, 'What's the matter?' And I said, 'I don't feel good.' And tears, uncontrollable tears, was coming out of my eyes and she says, 'What's the matter?' And I told her. I said, 'I just thought about that execution that I did two days ago, and everybody else's that I was involved in.' And what it was, something triggered within, and it just, everybody - all of these executions all sprung forward.

If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard- let him worry about cutting it.

I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.