My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
If I could get my membership fee back, I'd resign from the human race.
When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.
He always had a chip on his shoulder that he was ready to use to kindle an argument.
Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.