My agent gets 10 percent of everything I get, except the blinding headaches.
Condensed milk is wonderful. I don't see how they can get a cow to sit down on those little cans.
On ships they call them barnacles; in business they attach themselves to desks and are called vice presidents.
To a newspaperman, a human being is an item with skin wrapped around it.
Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
All that the comedian has to show for his years of work and aggravation is the echo of forgotten laughter.