I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is.

He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.

The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on a desk that has been exposed to conference.

A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.

Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making.

If I could get my membership fee back, I'd resign from the human race.

The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.