I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is.

Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.

There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.

Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.

I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.

It is probably not love that makes the world go around, but rather those mutually supportive alliances through which partners recognize their dependence on each other for the achievement of shared and private goals.