You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.

During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk; today we have small men enjoying big talk.

The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand.

My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.

The American arrives in Paris with a few French phrases he has culled from a conversational guide or picked up from a friend who owns a beret.

A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

After quitting radio I was able to live on the money I saved on aspirins.