I don't even have a clue as to where to find a pregnancy test. I'm looking at all the aisles... they don't have one that says 'oops.

I talked about the stuff so openly that people are able to connect and relate. I put everything out there [into the network], and if I'm having a bad time, people know about it.

I don't have to worry about writing jokes. I just tell stories about things that have happened to me. As long as I'm alive and I'm living and I'm experiencing different things every day, the show will always change.

There's been a lot of guys that come out of Texas who have made it really big. So it's not a geographic thing, it's a how hard are you willing to work for it.

I love Australia. First of all, everyone is so nice. The people are down to Earth, and they like having fun with you.

We can choose our family. We can't choose our relatives.

Hanging out with comics, all they did was make fun of me.