I'm not fat. I'm fluffy!

Be personal, and original. Try to work clean. Stay away from topical material, as it does not allow you to craft it to make it better for later. And always remember that it is the fans who will make you or break you.

I had to travel half way across the world to be called an American.

When I was a kid I did impressions and funny voices a lot. When I was telling a story I would use the voices to make it more entertaining.

I see a lot of nice hotels, but I never really get to enjoy the cities, because I have to be on a plane the next day.

I'm not fat. It's just my awesomeness swelling up inside of me.

My favorite people to have fun with are police officers 'cause they're so serious, you know.