There are certain bits in my act that will never change.

Being on TV sucks. It's a lot of work. You memorize scripts and then you show up and they change everything. I'm a control freak. When I'm doing stand-up, I say what I want and then I get instant feedback.

I don't wanna just be remembered for the funniest guy in my neighborhood.

I'm not on a diet. And it's funny cause people go 'Well, then why do you drink diet soda?' So I can eat regular cake.

Kids, man, they're way too honest. They're like mini-alcoholics.

If you Google the word "fluffy," I'm the first thing that pops up. It's me, dogs and rabbits.

I love Australia. First of all, everyone is so nice. The people are down to Earth, and they like having fun with you.