The Ford Flex is a really, really cool car. You get inside and you have so much headroom and it's really comfortable to drive and it's real techy inside. You look at the screen and it's blue and you've got all kinds of controls. Everything is digital.

And I don't want you thinking that my girlfriend is a bad person. She is an amazing woman, the fact that I only have seven stories about her in eight years, says a lot. You know, don't get me wrong, five of them happened this year, but that's still way below the bar, you know what I am saying.

I'm not fat. It's just my awesomeness swelling up inside of me.

The Ford Flex is a really, really cool car. You get inside and you have so much headroom and it's really comfortable to drive and it's real techy inside. You look at the screen and it's blue and you've got all kinds of controls. Everything is digital.

Hanging out with comics, all they did was make fun of me.

When I first got to St. Louis, I saw the arch and I said, 'I want to go to that McDonalds.

I'll walk up to a woman, I'll say the first thing that comes to mind: 'Hey, you hungry?'