The Ford Flex is a really, really cool car. You get inside and you have so much headroom and it's really comfortable to drive and it's real techy inside. You look at the screen and it's blue and you've got all kinds of controls. Everything is digital.

I'm always ready for TV. I don't have to edit my jokes - when you work clean, you can work anywhere.

Well, like I said, there's no reason everyone can't have a piece of the pie, even if there's a gordo there eating most of it.

By the end of the semester [in the high school] I was the only one up in front of the class everyday. Actually I could have passed the class four times over because every time you got in front of the class you got extra credit.That was the only class I got an A in and it was the funniest report card because it read Speech - A but everything else was just D, D, D, D.

If you Google the word "fluffy," I'm the first thing that pops up. It's me, dogs and rabbits.

Drama is not my passion. If I do it, it's for a check. It's not what I want to do. Comedy's my thing. Stand up's my thing. Everything that comes from that is frosting on the cake.

You know what I learned about Hawaiians? They're just blown up Mexicans!