Walgreens, Rite Aid, CVS and Wal-Mart have all figured out the evolution of life and they grabbed all the products that are necessary for a life. And they stuck them in one aisle and they put them in order according to how you mess up... First thing you're going to see: condoms. Next to that: lubricant. Next to that: pregnancy test. Next to that: Pampers. Next to that: formula. And at the end of the aisle they sell beer.
Gabriel IglesiasThere's 5 levels of fatness! Fluffy is one of the levels. There's big, healthy, husky, fluffy and damn.
Gabriel IglesiasI'm always very happy to talk to people. I relate to people, and the guy on stage is very much the guy that's off stage. People know when it's fake.
Gabriel IglesiasI'm not on a diet. And it's funny cause people go 'Well, then why do you drink diet soda?' So I can eat regular cake.
Gabriel IglesiasI got on the high school speech team and everyday I would get up in front of the class and just start talking.
Gabriel IglesiasI went up on stage, and said, "Why did the chicken cross the road? To check out the chicks." I was a genius at 10. Try telling that at 21, and you look hacky and stupid. That was the only joke I've ever told. Everything since has been character voices, doing impressions or just telling stories.
Gabriel Iglesias