Walgreens, Rite Aid, CVS and Wal-Mart have all figured out the evolution of life and they grabbed all the products that are necessary for a life. And they stuck them in one aisle and they put them in order according to how you mess up... First thing you're going to see: condoms. Next to that: lubricant. Next to that: pregnancy test. Next to that: Pampers. Next to that: formula. And at the end of the aisle they sell beer.

There's nowhere in the country that I can't go or won't go. I think it's because I've worked on making my show where everyone can understand it, everyone can relate to it, and no one feels like I'm alienating them.

[Making people laugh] was a secret dream I kept and I didn't tell anybody about it until I was about 18.

We can choose our family. We can't choose our relatives.

There are certain bits in my act that will never change.

When I go to dance clubs, I always dance with big girls, so we finish at the same time.

When I was a kid I did impressions and funny voices a lot. When I was telling a story I would use the voices to make it more entertaining.