I'm always ready for TV. I don't have to edit my jokes - when you work clean, you can work anywhere.

When I go to dance clubs, I always dance with big girls, so we finish at the same time.

If I'm drinking I can either be the nicest guy ever or I'm the guy you should leave alone.

We can choose our family. We can't choose our relatives.

I drink diet coke so I can eat regular cake.

I got on the high school speech team and everyday I would get up in front of the class and just start talking.

You wonder why I only talk about my personal life. But that's all I've ever done.