By the end of the semester [in the high school] I was the only one up in front of the class everyday. Actually I could have passed the class four times over because every time you got in front of the class you got extra credit.That was the only class I got an A in and it was the funniest report card because it read Speech - A but everything else was just D, D, D, D.

I want to get so famous that I don't have to wake up in the morning. It'll probably never happen.

I got off the plane - I was walking and cooking at the same time.

When I was a kid I did impressions and funny voices a lot. When I was telling a story I would use the voices to make it more entertaining.

I like to tell old jokes on stage after about an hour, or an hour and a half. I'll bring those old ones back because the fans love them.

I learned early on, stay away from politics, stay away from religion and don't talk about sports. Those three right there will get you in trouble.

[Making people laugh] was a secret dream I kept and I didn't tell anybody about it until I was about 18.