Be personal, and original. Try to work clean. Stay away from topical material, as it does not allow you to craft it to make it better for later. And always remember that it is the fans who will make you or break you.

If I speak Spanish in my show, which sometimes I do, I translate what I say. I make it where I can still be myself, but I make it to where everybody knows what the hell is going on and when everyone leaves, they're like "OK, I get it."

There's been a lot of guys that come out of Texas who have made it really big. So it's not a geographic thing, it's a how hard are you willing to work for it.

I almost bought a DeLorean the other day just because. If I see something that I think is cool and I like it, I'll go for it.

I love Australia. First of all, everyone is so nice. The people are down to Earth, and they like having fun with you.

You live by the cake, you die by the cake.

Walgreens, Rite Aid, CVS and Wal-Mart have all figured out the evolution of life and they grabbed all the products that are necessary for a life. And they stuck them in one aisle and they put them in order according to how you mess up... First thing you're going to see: condoms. Next to that: lubricant. Next to that: pregnancy test. Next to that: Pampers. Next to that: formula. And at the end of the aisle they sell beer.