If I speak Spanish in my show, which sometimes I do, I translate what I say. I make it where I can still be myself, but I make it to where everybody knows what the hell is going on and when everyone leaves, they're like "OK, I get it."

I don't even have a clue as to where to find a pregnancy test. I'm looking at all the aisles... they don't have one that says 'oops.

Hanging out with comics, all they did was make fun of me.

I'm not on a diet. And it's funny cause people go 'Well, then why do you drink diet soda?' So I can eat regular cake.

I just recently crossed over into Europe. They're showing my special Hot and Fluffy in Europe and selling the DVD there too. And they're doing the same thing in Australia and Canada. And I think the biggest part was I did the special in a predominantly Latino area, but I kept the show mainstream and across the board.

Stand-up is not just an American thing anymore. It's global. In some places, stand-up comedy is brand new. South Africa has only had a scene for 15 years.

Life is measured by how you lived it, not by the years.