My material never comes out verbatim every time. I always tweak in a line, or tweak away a line, gain a couple tags or lose a couple tags. The timing is always off.

There's 5 levels of fatness! Fluffy is one of the levels. There's big, healthy, husky, fluffy and damn.

You know, a lot of people think that just 'cause you work out, lift weights, eat right, and do what people tell you to do that you'll live a long live, maybe you will. But, why do people measure life by the years instead about how good the years were.

I'm always ready for TV. I don't have to edit my jokes - when you work clean, you can work anywhere.

Believe it or not, I've got a really bad metabolism. One burger and I'm done. I'm not a guy that puts away 10 burgers.

People think if you have money, it'll fix the problems, but it creates different ones.

That was the challenge. How can you tell the story here and make sure it goes the same way on the other side of the world?