I got off the plane - I was walking and cooking at the same time.

Stand-up is not just an American thing anymore. It's global. In some places, stand-up comedy is brand new. South Africa has only had a scene for 15 years.

Some people can handle alcohol. You know who you are. Some people can't handle alcohol. The police know who you are.

I'm not fat. It's just my awesomeness swelling up inside of me.

I want to get so famous that I don't have to wake up in the morning. It'll probably never happen.

You wonder why I only talk about my personal life. But that's all I've ever done.

I'm a comedian who happens to be Latino. What's the difference? The difference is, my special will air on Comedy Central, not Telemundo.