Some people have a love of their fellow man in their hearts, and others require a light anesthetic.

The thought of people in this day and age sitting down to listen to a radio variety show on Saturday evening is rather implausible and was even more so in 1974 when we started “A Prairie Home Companion.” Thank goodness Minnesota Public Radio was too poor to afford good advice or the show never would've got on the air. We only did it because we knew it would be fun to do. It was a dumb idea. I wish I knew how to be that dumb again.

Before the world was made, when it was only darkness and mist and waters, God was well aware of Lake Wobegon, my family, our house, and He had me all sketched out down to what size my feet would be (big), which bike I would ride (Schwinn), and the five ears of corn I'd eat for supper that night.

You'd learn more about the world by lying on the couch and drinking gin out of a bottle than by watching the news.

To Norwegians, the polka is a form of martial art.

People in cars cause accidents and accidents in cars cause people.

God is a great humorist. He just has a slow audience to work with.