Some people have a love of their fellow man in their hearts, and others require a light anesthetic.

Face it: a nation that maintains a 72% approval rating on George W. Bush is a nation with a very loose grip on reality.

Growing up in a place that has winter, you learn to avoid self-pity. Winter is not a personal experience, everybody else is just as cold as you, so you shouldn't complain about it too much. You learn this as a kid, coming home crying from the cold, and Mother looks down and says, 'It's only a little frostbite. You're okay.' And thus you learn to be okay. What's done is done. Get over it. Drink your coffee. It's not the best you'll ever get but it's good enough.

People in cars cause accidents and accidents in cars cause people.

Never insult a writer. You may find yourself immortalized in ways you may not appreciate.

You can go your whole life and not need math or physics for a minute, but the ability to tell a joke is always handy.

My ancestors were Puritans from England. They arrived here in 1648 in the hope of finding greater restrictions than were permissible under English law at that time.