You'd learn more about the world by lying on the couch and drinking gin out of a bottle than by watching the news.

Don't pour the oil directly into my navel, pour it on my sternum and let it run down into my navel, you ignorant peasant.

I'm of an age when if I started to do eulogies, I'd be doing nothing else. You don't want to be remembered? I don't want them to be told to remember me.

God is a great humorist. He just has a slow audience to work with.

I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it.

It's confidence; it has to be something good about getting old. One of the things is that you just don't stress about some stuff that made you so worried.

Humor is not a trick, not jokes. Humor is a presence in the world - like grace - and shines on everybody.