I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell

Without comedy as a defense mechanism I wouldn't be able to survive.

Yes, I'm a nice man and I enjoy babies. I'm a sensitive guy. I held a baby the other day and it was the first time either of us cried.

I've never had anyone put on a puppet show to convince me of anything. And I've done a lot of stuff. I don't know that I would put the puppets on when I was pitching a show. This was the head of the studio putting a puppet show on. And I'll tell you, he wasn't bad.

Dr. Phil is hiding something. Otherwise, why wouldn't he use his last name?

I practice safe sex - I use an airbag.

I'm very loyal in relationships. Even when I go out with my mom I don't look at other moms.