I'm dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it.

I once made love for an hour and fifteen minutes, but it was the night the clocks are set ahead.

Without comedy as a defense mechanism I wouldn't be able to survive.

I don't know why men are so fascinated with television and I think it has something to do with - if I may judge from my own father, who used to sit and stare at the TV while my mother was speaking to him - I think that's a man's way of tuning out.

I'm very loyal in relationships. Even when I go out with my mom I don't look at other moms.

Carol Burnett was particularly funny. She swore for the first time on television on Larry Sanders.

They should put expiration dates on clothing so we men will know when they go out of style.