I once made love for an hour and fifteen minutes, but it was the night the clocks are set ahead.

Yes, I'm a nice man and I enjoy babies. I'm a sensitive guy. I held a baby the other day and it was the first time either of us cried.

I met a new girl at a barbecue, very pretty, a blond I think. I don't know, her hair was on fire, and all she talked about was herself. You know these kind of girls: 'I'm hot. I'm on fire. Me, me, me.' You know. 'Help me, put me out.' Come on, could we talk about me just a little bit?

I once made love for an hour and fifteen minutes, but it was the night the clocks are set ahead.

When I'm not in a relationship, I shave one leg. That way, when I sleep, it feels like I'm with a woman.

Without comedy as a defense mechanism I wouldn't be able to survive.

I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell