I'm very loyal in a relationship. Any relationship. When I go out with my mom, I don't look at other moms and go, "I wonder what her macaroni and cheese tastes like."

I remember learning to drive on my dad's lap. Did you guys ever do that? He'd work the brakes. I'd work the wheel. Then I went to take the driver's test and sat on the examiner's lap. I failed the exam. But he still writes to me. That's the really nice part.

I'm good in bed, actually, and I think I could learn to be a good communicator, too. The only trouble with that is it leads to marriage.

I once made love for an hour and fifteen minutes, but it was the night the clocks are set ahead.

Nice guys finish first. If you don't know that, then you don't know where the finish line is.

I play basketball on Sundays and I'm a very spiritual guy; I read a lot of Eastern philosophy and I meditate.

Without comedy as a defense mechanism I wouldn't be able to survive.