Rich people are just like us though they now eat their meals off square shaped plates.

I just can't dance like no ones watching. I tried but it's futile.

I think of a lot of comedy being watched alone, for some reason. It's surprising to me that people are getting together to watch stand-up comedy.

The key is to get it all down on paper before the coffee stops telling you you're talented.

No matter what time of year it's always funny when a person walks by me dressed in religious garb and I say Happy Halloween!

It's a real valley when I talk about veal. And calf roping. People were sensitive about calf roping. Which I think is quite funny.

As a child I most closely identified with Charlie Browns teacher. Nobody listened.