The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was the quarter from behind the ear gag. He would never put the time in.

For the first few years I wrote jokes and performed them word for word and then wrote tags for them and did that word for word and that worked pretty well. Now, I do almost all of my writing on stage and then record and listen for any new things and then I write those down.

Don't go back over your life with a red pen.

I really shine in front of prominently Jewish crowds. Normally I really beat myself up, but as far as Jewish audiences go, I'm at the top of my game.

I was born when my dad was 50... It's weird growing up with a dad that much older than you. We'd go to the movies, we're both getting discounts.

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was the quarter from behind the ear gag. He would never put the time in.

As a child I most closely identified with Charlie Browns teacher. Nobody listened.