If you are 26 years old and you're waking up under Star Wars sheets... the Force is not with you.

For the first few years I wrote jokes and performed them word for word and then wrote tags for them and did that word for word and that worked pretty well. Now, I do almost all of my writing on stage and then record and listen for any new things and then I write those down.

There are certain jokes that indicate how mainstream a comic is. If you're talking about how the side effects of drugs that they advertise on TV are worse than the actual illness they're supposed to prevent, that's like the hackiest joke out there now. If you're still doing that joke, that usually is an indicator of being mainstream, in a bad way.

The key is to get it all down on paper before the coffee stops telling you you're talented.

Say what you will about Gypsy women, but they are remarkable assessors of blues guitar talent.

I hate nickels; they're quarter impersonators.

If you try to pop the unpopped kernels in the microwave, you go back in time.