The key is to get it all down on paper before the coffee stops telling you you're talented.

I hate nickels; they're quarter impersonators.

Every cookie is a sugar cookie. A cookie without sugar is a cracker.

When you're gay every party is a bad sweater party.

Don't go back over your life with a red pen.

Is it common for people to become a pothead at 40? Asking for myself.

The other thing is that I'm a pretty moody guy, but no one really wants to see a normal-looking guy complain about things or talk about being unhappy. That's hard. Most people are like, 'Well, you have all your hair and you're tall, so why are you unhappy?' That can be limiting.