With basketball, if a guy is having an off night you still can say he's a good athlete. But with a comedian, you see them in front of the wrong audience - and they can look like complete amateurs. It's remarkable.

Don't go back over your life with a red pen.

I have 236 movies on my queue and I feel like I should always be watching movies. Like if I wake up in the middle of the night and don't fall directly back to sleep, I'm like, 'I've been up for an hour and a half I could have watched 'Toy Story 3' by now.' In this economy it is a sin not to be watching movies when you have Netflix.

No matter what time of year it's always funny when a person walks by me dressed in religious garb and I say Happy Halloween!

Say what you will about Gypsy women, but they are remarkable assessors of blues guitar talent.

I sometimes throw in a couple of swears just to keep the Christian right off my tail. I wouldn't want to be the tea party's go-to comedian.

I went to Boston College. It's a Catholic college, yeah I had a nickname there: Jew.