What I need is an Urban Thesaurus. I know what money is what I need is 600 different ways to say it.

It's a real valley when I talk about veal. And calf roping. People were sensitive about calf roping. Which I think is quite funny.

The popcorn button on the microwave is a miraculous invention. More miraculous than even the microwave itself.

Every cookie is a sugar cookie. A cookie without sugar is a cracker.

Would it be ironic if we had to go back to Iraq to rid it of the Al Quaeda that wasn't there before we got there to rid it of Al Queda?

I think of a lot of comedy being watched alone, for some reason. It's surprising to me that people are getting together to watch stand-up comedy.

I just always wonder if I'm too obsessive about subjects. I try to avoid that.