What I need is an Urban Thesaurus. I know what money is what I need is 600 different ways to say it.

As a child I most closely identified with Charlie Browns teacher. Nobody listened.

It was early on when I was really focused and obsessed with doing The Tonight Show and Letterman and stuff like that. Then, I quickly realized that those things don't make or break a career.

With basketball, if a guy is having an off night you still can say he's a good athlete. But with a comedian, you see them in front of the wrong audience - and they can look like complete amateurs. It's remarkable.

The popcorn button on the microwave is a miraculous invention. More miraculous than even the microwave itself.

Is it common for people to become a pothead at 40? Asking for myself.

I really shine in front of prominently Jewish crowds. Normally I really beat myself up, but as far as Jewish audiences go, I'm at the top of my game.