Don't go back over your life with a red pen.
When you're gay every party is a bad sweater party.
I went to Boston College. It's a Catholic college, yeah I had a nickname there: Jew.
If you try to pop the unpopped kernels in the microwave, you go back in time.
I've always wanted to do more significant stuff. I think of myself as well-informed, but the hardest thing to do is talk about politics and current events and be funny and not just preachy.
I really shine in front of prominently Jewish crowds. Normally I really beat myself up, but as far as Jewish audiences go, I'm at the top of my game.