What I need is an Urban Thesaurus. I know what money is what I need is 600 different ways to say it.

Say what you will about Gypsy women, but they are remarkable assessors of blues guitar talent.

I think everything contributes to your creativity.

I hate nickels; they're quarter impersonators.

I've always wanted to do more significant stuff. I think of myself as well-informed, but the hardest thing to do is talk about politics and current events and be funny and not just preachy.

There are certain jokes that indicate how mainstream a comic is. If you're talking about how the side effects of drugs that they advertise on TV are worse than the actual illness they're supposed to prevent, that's like the hackiest joke out there now. If you're still doing that joke, that usually is an indicator of being mainstream, in a bad way.

If you try to pop the unpopped kernels in the microwave, you go back in time.