I always wanted to make strangers and friends and family laugh. I was over ten years younger than my brothers. It was hard to get attention without some kind of gimmick, like athletic stardom or being funny.

I hate nickels; they're quarter impersonators.

As a child I most closely identified with Charlie Browns teacher. Nobody listened.

Some people hate Jews. Fine, alright it's been done. I mean, that's part of my problem with it. Could you hate somebody new? I'm not giving you any suggestions but the Belgians have had a good run.

Just saw an orthodox Jewish kid do 3 pull-ups on the scaffolding. Shattering the previous record.

I was born when my dad was 50... It's weird growing up with a dad that much older than you. We'd go to the movies, we're both getting discounts.

Is it common for people to become a pothead at 40? Asking for myself.