I always wanted to make strangers and friends and family laugh. I was over ten years younger than my brothers. It was hard to get attention without some kind of gimmick, like athletic stardom or being funny.

I went to Boston College. It's a Catholic college, yeah I had a nickname there: Jew.

When you're gay every party is a bad sweater party.

Night to night, doing the clubs is a lot of fun too because you have a lot more freedom and you don't have to worry about swearing or going off the script or going long or going short. If you bomb, only a handful of people see it. On TV, a lot of people see it.

The popcorn button on the microwave is a miraculous invention. More miraculous than even the microwave itself.

It was early on when I was really focused and obsessed with doing The Tonight Show and Letterman and stuff like that. Then, I quickly realized that those things don't make or break a career.

It's a real valley when I talk about veal. And calf roping. People were sensitive about calf roping. Which I think is quite funny.