Don't go back over your life with a red pen.

The popcorn button on the microwave is a miraculous invention. More miraculous than even the microwave itself.

Some people hate Jews. Fine, alright it's been done. I mean, that's part of my problem with it. Could you hate somebody new? I'm not giving you any suggestions but the Belgians have had a good run.

Is it common for people to become a pothead at 40? Asking for myself.

Would it be ironic if we had to go back to Iraq to rid it of the Al Quaeda that wasn't there before we got there to rid it of Al Queda?

Night to night, doing the clubs is a lot of fun too because you have a lot more freedom and you don't have to worry about swearing or going off the script or going long or going short. If you bomb, only a handful of people see it. On TV, a lot of people see it.

It's a real valley when I talk about veal. And calf roping. People were sensitive about calf roping. Which I think is quite funny.