Don't go back over your life with a red pen.

Ever drive by one of those things on the highway which tells you how fast you're going? I don't even pay attention to them anymore because I found a similar gadget in my dashboard... Some people slow down at those things... I don't slow down. I speed up and set the high score.

Some people hate Jews. Fine, alright it's been done. I mean, that's part of my problem with it. Could you hate somebody new? I'm not giving you any suggestions but the Belgians have had a good run.

Say what you will about Gypsy women, but they are remarkable assessors of blues guitar talent.

Just saw an orthodox Jewish kid do 3 pull-ups on the scaffolding. Shattering the previous record.

The popcorn button on the microwave is a miraculous invention. More miraculous than even the microwave itself.

I think of a lot of comedy being watched alone, for some reason. It's surprising to me that people are getting together to watch stand-up comedy.