Don't go back over your life with a red pen.

I have 236 movies on my queue and I feel like I should always be watching movies. Like if I wake up in the middle of the night and don't fall directly back to sleep, I'm like, 'I've been up for an hour and a half I could have watched 'Toy Story 3' by now.' In this economy it is a sin not to be watching movies when you have Netflix.

Maybe a silver lining to growing old is being able to watch Usual Suspects for the first time, again.

No matter what time of year it's always funny when a person walks by me dressed in religious garb and I say Happy Halloween!

Rich people are just like us though they now eat their meals off square shaped plates.

If you try to pop the unpopped kernels in the microwave, you go back in time.

I sometimes throw in a couple of swears just to keep the Christian right off my tail. I wouldn't want to be the tea party's go-to comedian.