Don't go back over your life with a red pen.

I've always wanted to do more significant stuff. I think of myself as well-informed, but the hardest thing to do is talk about politics and current events and be funny and not just preachy.

I think everything contributes to your creativity.

I hate nickels; they're quarter impersonators.

With basketball, if a guy is having an off night you still can say he's a good athlete. But with a comedian, you see them in front of the wrong audience - and they can look like complete amateurs. It's remarkable.

There's a kiss at the end of the rainbow more precious than a pot of gold.

No matter what time of year it's always funny when a person walks by me dressed in religious garb and I say Happy Halloween!