Two things I dislike about my granddaughter - when she won't take her afternoon nap, and when she won't let me take mine.

My grandkids believe I'm the oldest thing in the world. And after two or three hours with them, I believe it, too.

Retirement: That's when you return from work one day and say, "Hi, Honey, I'm home - forever."

It's time to diet and exercise when you accept the fact that you can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time - but not while you're wearing a bathing suit.

Our marriage has always been a 50-50 proposition - with the possible exception of closet space.

Education can get you the only thing that really matters in today's world--an assigned parking space.

What a bargain grandchildren are! I give them my loose change, and they give me a million dollars' worth of pleasure.