Retirement: It's nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese.

An hour with your grandchildren can make you feel young again. Anything longer than that, and you start to age quickly.

Two things I dislike about my granddaughter - when she won't take her afternoon nap, and when she won't let me take mine.

When you retire, you switch bosses - from the one who hired you to the one who married you.

It's time to diet and exercise when you accept the fact that you can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time - but not while you're wearing a bathing suit.

Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache... unless you play golf.

Leisure: A fancy word for people who don't want to admit they're bored.