Like good wine, marriage gets better with age - once you learn to keep a cork in it.

Education can get you the only thing that really matters in today's world--an assigned parking space.

I like to do nice things for my grandchildren - like buy them those toys I've always wanted to play with.

Retirement: It's nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese.

I'm now as free as the breeze - with roughly the same income.

He has a brain like Einstein's - dead since 1955

I went to school with a kid who was so smart, the only time he got an answer wrong, they had to go back and change the question.