Grandparents are there to help the child get into mischief they haven't thought of yet.

Our marriage has always been a 50-50 proposition - with the possible exception of closet space.

Two things I dislike about my granddaughter - when she won't take her afternoon nap, and when she won't let me take mine.

I always give my grandkids a couple of quarters when they go home. It's a bargain.

What a bargain grandchildren are! I give them my loose change, and they give me a million dollars' worth of pleasure.

It's time to diet and exercise when you accept the fact that you can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time - but not while you're wearing a bathing suit.

Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache... unless you play golf.