On the seventh day God rested. His grandchildren must have been out of town.

Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache... unless you play golf.

When you retire, you switch bosses - from the one who hired you to the one who married you.

He has a brain like Einstein's - dead since 1955

Retirement: That's when you return from work one day and say, "Hi, Honey, I'm home - forever."

An hour with your grandchildren can make you feel young again. Anything longer than that, and you start to age quickly.

My granddaughter and I are inseparable. She keeps me wrapped around her little finger.