Retirement: That's when you return from work one day and say, "Hi, Honey, I'm home - forever."

I always give my grandkids a couple of quarters when they go home. It's a bargain.

It's time to diet and exercise when you accept the fact that you can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time - but not while you're wearing a bathing suit.

Education can get you the only thing that really matters in today's world--an assigned parking space.

"You're more trouble than the children are" is the greatest compliment a grandparent can receive.

Leisure: A fancy word for people who don't want to admit they're bored.

Grandparents are there to help the child get into mischief they haven't thought of yet.