What a bargain grandchildren are! I give them my loose change, and they give me a million dollars' worth of pleasure.

Leisure: A fancy word for people who don't want to admit they're bored.

Like good wine, marriage gets better with age - once you learn to keep a cork in it.

Our marriage has always been a 50-50 proposition - with the possible exception of closet space.

My grandchild has taught me what true love means. It means watching Scooby-Doo cartoons while the basketball game is on another channel.

What a bargain grandchildren are! I give them my loose change, and they give me a million dollars' worth of pleasure.

It's time to diet and exercise when you accept the fact that you can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time - but not while you're wearing a bathing suit.