My grandchild has taught me what true love means. It means watching Scooby-Doo cartoons while the basketball game is on another channel.

Our marriage has always been a 50-50 proposition - with the possible exception of closet space.

Retirement: It's nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese.

I went to school with a kid who was so smart, the only time he got an answer wrong, they had to go back and change the question.

Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache... unless you play golf.

In my retirement I go for a short swim at least once or twice every day. It's either that or buy a new golf ball.

"You're more trouble than the children are" is the greatest compliment a grandparent can receive.